Compiled by the Retriever Weekly News Staff
What did we learn this week? Under-achieve to over-achieve, and Peyton Manning is not real.
Breaking Newbs vs. Mcpoyal’s Revenge
Yo, is there another Manning out there yet, specifically with the Peyton’s blood? Get him in the league now. Don’t care what age. 15, five, fetus, Mel Kiper should throw him in the top of the mock draft ASAP. There has not been a more consistent family of athletes since the Manning clan. Archie- consistently the best father figure ever, Eli: consistently the most inconsistent player ever, and Peyton: the most dominant fantasy player since draft day. In reaction to Peyton’s 21.48-point performance, Breaking Newbs owner responded “eh…” What a luxury to have. T.Y. Hilton socred 28.30 points. He plays for the colts, so just another reminder of Peyton Manning in some form or fashion. The elder Manning has haunted this league so far and has lead the Newbs to an 6-0 undefeated record. The final score was 125.08-81.96 in favor of Breaking Newbs. With three straight losses Mcpoyle’s Revenge is falling faster than a bungee jumper who forgot to clip in.
UMBC’s BCS Hopes vs. Ibrahim Moizoos
UMBC’s BCS Hopes team performance earned a D+ and won with 72. 84 points against Ibrahim Moizoos who earned a F putting up 57.9 points. Proving that as long as you hang around failures below average will always be good enough. The company you keep people the company you keep. Andre Johnson led UMBC’s BCS hopes with 13.90 points and Seattle Seahawks Kicker Steven Haushka scored 12 points, a nice contribution for a kicker. Moizoos left Colin Kapernick on the bench and that single substitution would have given Moizoos the win considering he scored 29.42 points, but Gilmore Girls came back to Netflix this week so time to make the substitution obviously was sparse. Final score :72.84 – 57.90 in favor of UMBC’s BCS Hopes.
The Tech Department vs. Tech Section Flexion
The score of this game: 128.8-120.54 in favor of The Tech Department. These teams must have missed the memo. This is not the league for success. This is the league were under achieving is still good enough for victory. This is the league slackers, bums, and the dim-witted come to feel superior. And these two teams have ruined it! When Andrew Luck scores 25.6 points and Arian Foster scores 26.10 points for Tech Section Flexion and that’s still not good enough because Tom Brady had 30.74 points and Matt Forte had 27.7 points its unfortunate. Because on 90% of the other teams the kicker scored the most points, and now things have started to get awkward around the league. Being good when everyone else is bad is just rude.
Subs Squad vs. Nathan’s Crazy Team
AHH, thanks to Subs Squad win over Nathan’s Crazy Team 66.72-54.7 all is right in the world again. The fact that Subs Squad wins with 66 points is awesome. The fact that Subs Squad won in general is awesome, because the team had yet to do so. What better way to pick up a win in this league then with less than 70 points and having only three of the nine starters exceed projected points. Underwhelming performances for the win! Literally.
